There seem to be two camps of people when discussing books on brain chemistry and the hidden power of our minds. The first camp of people is on an extreme end - postulating things that seem unfathomable to comprehend. The other camp dismisses those mental extremists as whack-a-doodles, citing proven science.
Here's where I tell all of you I don't really care where you think I fall on the spectrum.
Evolve Your Brain is a very heady book, pun intended. Most of the pictures discuss how the neurons and synapses in the brain work, and the flow of chemicals that is released which reinforces the connections taking place in our conscious awareness. Dispenza doesn't propose something outlandish in terms of the science behind how the brain works - he is thorough in discussing the brain proteins and all of the connections - weak or strong - happening that create our external realities while chemical changes are creating our internal ones. He breaks down how memories work, how something that is a weak neural connection can be broken or strengthened depending on how we apply the laws of association. Ultimately he is trying to show readers - partially through his own experiences and partially through science - how our attitudes shape the beliefs we have, which in turn shape the things we experience, which further shapes us.
And, as is true of every book I've read in this general realm, this is where I'm about to get real and personal. So stop reading if you don't want that level of insight.
I mean it - stop reading if you don't want to dive deep into my mind.
…
…
I grew up in what would be an overstatement to say "lower middle class". Both of my parents were angry, but in different ways. I knew how to read people and anticipate my environment very early on, and I struggled with suicide and self worth. I eventually got to a place where mentally I decided I was going to prove every asshole in my life wrong. So I set out to do just that - but the 18yrs of experiences and hard-wired connections I was fighting were still there. The same things triggered my fight or flight feelings. The only difference is now I was living on my own and I had to figure shit out. I got really good at faking it - or at least convincing myself that I had changed and that I was finally over whatever baggage was weighing me down.
Then something would happen, I'd experience a "setback", let's say. And I'd go through the whole healing cycle all over again. I learned in my private life that my voice didn't matter, so I sought out relationships where the absence of my voice didn't detract from other things I found joy in. It was a coping mechanism.
Combine the silencing of my voice with the abuse triggers I experienced as a kid - and very rapidly I slipped down a dark, deep hole. A hole that was complex and deeper than I ever imagined. And I didn't realize just how deep the hole was until I hurt someone that I love very dearly. As I was climbing out, I never slowed down to really truly rewire my brain - those flight and fight responses were deeply embedded. And much like you probably feel if you skip your morning coffee and your body says "hey wait! Where in the hell is my caffeine?!" - my subconscious was tensing my body looking for the same chemical reactions that had persisted and flowed over the last 37 years of my life.
For a little while, the absence of those familiar negative feelings didn't impact me. I felt lighter. And then the withdrawals set in. I didn't understand what was happening - I felt afraid of things that weren't real, when all of the facts and data before me showed me it wasn't real, but yet I was still afraid. And it got worse, worse to the point that I flip-flopped myself all over as I kept trying to climb out of that hole, but was sinking deeper. Just like with caffeine headaches - where you need two or three times your normal coffee amount to get rid of the pain - that happens with negative emotions too.
Because of books like Evolve (and several books on anxiety that I've read in late 2018), I have come to terms with my anxiety. I've accepted help through my doctor and therapist and am wholly a better person since being on medication. And I know I have a looooooong way to go before I can say I'm truly rewired - but for the first time I am able to fight the internal wiring in order to evolve the connections my brain is making. I'm doing it without the same consequences as stumbling blindly through it. And I'm seeing the incremental improvements day by day.
Change your attitude and you change your life - no truer words exist regarding the intricate ways our brains control our world.
This is just the beginning of my journey - part of taking control is understanding the what and the why. Now that I understand my whats and my whys, I'm doing the hows to make me a truly whole, better person.
I hope if you read this that you'll understand yourself a bit better - if nothing else I hope it leads you to have compassion for those whom you do not understand.
Happy Reading.
--Jennifer
No comments:
Post a Comment